Monthly Archives: May 2016

Please can we Rewind

On 26th May 2015 was our 36 week appointment with the midwife. My wife had all the regular checks and everything was ok, her blood pressure was fine and she listened to Rory’s heartbeat.

 

This time last year we thought we only had four weeks until we met our bundle of joy. Life was good, we were so happy.

 

Little did we know that was the last time my wife heard our Son’s heartbeat and that two days later we would discover our worst knightmare, that our Son had died.

 

I can’t believe it’s nearly a year ago since we last held him and said goodbye to him.  The past year has felt like a complete blur and feels like our lives have been on hold.

 

Since losing Rory it feels like that we will never be as happy as those days before we lost him.  I just wish we could go back in time to those days when everything was ok, life was good and Rory was here with us.

 

Rest in Peace our Angel Rory, Mummy and Daddy miss you so much and will always Love you!! XX

 

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Rory parkrun Challenge

10 weeks of parkrun in memory of Rory

There is a challenge known as #7weeksofparkrun, the idea is to run at seven consecutive parkrun venues and the first letters of each venue’s name combined spells out the word ‘parkrun’, which my running friend Steve Stockwell (aka blog7t) has completed.

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I have decided to run at 10 venues with the first letters of each venue to spell ‘Rory Sowden’ and complete the challenge on my 100th parkrun.  I have decided to do this challenge to combine two things that I love, our son Rory and Parkrun.  Once completed I will able to take a screenshot of my results page together with Rory’s name, which I will be able to keep forever.

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Always Loved, Never Forgotten #Running4Rory

In order to complete the challenge. I will need to complete the venues in reverse order and finishing at a venue beginning with ‘R’.  My plan is to complete my 100th parkrun at ‘Royal Tunbridge Wells’ due to there being a Tunbridge Wells SANDs group (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death charity) and I’m hoping I might be able to raise awareness about Stillbirth during my challenge.

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Club T-shirt I will be able to claim at end of challenge

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Dunorlan Park – home to Royal Tundbridge Wells parkrun (Photo courtesy of blog7t)

 

This is not a difficult challenge, it just requires planning in advance.  The problem I had was finding a parkrun beginning with ‘Y’, after searching the parkrun website I found there is only two in the UK, York or Yeovil Montacute.  Either way both venues requires a fair bit of travelling.

 

Below is my planned list of events I hoping to visit on the planned dates, which could be subject to change due to other commitments and any cancellations.

 

 

Week Event Planned Date
     
Week 1 Nonsuch 21/05/2016
Week 2 Eastbourne 04/06/2016
Week 3 Dulwich 11/06/2016
Week 4 Whistable 18/06/2016
Week 5 Old deer park 25/06/2016
Week 6 Sittingbourne 09/07/2016
Week 7 Yeovil Montacute 16/07/2016
Week 8 Riddlesdown 23/07/2016
Week 9 Orpington 30/07/2016
Week 10 Royal Tunbridge Wells 06/08/2016

 

 

I’ve currently completed 90 parkruns and will start my quest at Nonsuch Park in Cheam this Saturday.  If anyone of my running friends wishes to join me at any event, feel free to come along.

Almost a year

 

We are now into May, the Month we lost Rory last year and his angelversary is fast approaching.  When we lost Rory, time seen to stand still and the days and weeks seemed so long.  Now this year seem to have flown by in a blur and caught us in a bit unawares.

 

It was so strange at the turn of the year saying to people that we lost our son last year, soon we will be saying we lost him over a year ago.  I think because at the moment I still think back to this time last year, we had Rory with us and we were decorating the nursery and we was so happy.  

 

I think his anniversary makes it seem so final, that he’s gone forever and we won’t be able to think ‘this time last year’ anymore.

 

Before his anniversary I have one more hurdle to negotiate.  Weeks before we lost Rory I was working at one of my clients and found out that one woman there was also pregnant and she was due exactly a week before Rory.  So most of my time there was spent talking about babies, dirty nappies and lack of sleep.

 

However, I’m due to go back there this week and feel myself getting anxious thinking about it.  I don’t know if she had her baby girl ok and I don’t know if they know about Rory.  Am I going to get the akward questions or will the subject not come up because it’s too difficult for them to talk about. The thing is, I want to talk about Rory and I want to know that she took her baby home and what they named her.

 

Also we are now thinking about what do we do on Rory’s anniversary,  we think of if as the anniversary of when we lost him and not his birthday, as Rory wasn’t due until 23rd June and probably wouldn’t have been born in May

So how do you mark the occassion? Obviously we will be going to his resting place, what we call his garden.  We would like to release some balloons, but do we do it alone or do we invite all the family? We don’t want to make our family feel that they’ve got to go, we would rather like them to visit Rory’s garden because they wanted to. But if we don’t invite them, they might feel like we don’t want them there, it’s so difficult.

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Rory’s colourful garden

Another idea we would like to do is visit Lullingstone Country park and drop some flowers of petals into the river.  On the weekend before we lost Rory we visited the park for a short walk and sat on the bench by the river.  Whilst sitting there Rory was moving loads inside Mummy’s tummy and I think of it the last place we visited together, as our little family.

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View from ‘Rory’s’ Bench at Lullingstone Country Park

Maybe I’m just over thinking everything and shouldn’t put any pressure on ourselves. It’s just that we want to do something special for Rory to show him how much love him and how much we miss him.