Tomorrow will be our 2nd Christmas Day without our Son Rory. While most people are celebrating the festive period and excited about what Santa will bring them. To my wife and I tomorrow will be just another day, just another day we have to live through without our Rory.
Last Christmas was extremely difficult being the 1st Christmas after losing Rory. What made it particularly difficult was that we announced to our family on Christmas Day 2014 that we were 14 weeks pregnant and gave them a copy of our 12 week scan picture. Everyone was so happy and excited for us, everyone all talked about how this time next year it would be the little one’s 1st Christmas.
The build up to Christmas last year was extremely awful, Myself and Jo didn’t want to celebrate Christmas at all. We absolutely hated hearing any christmas songs on the radio or in any shops, especially ‘Last Christmas, by Wham. We didn’t exchange gifts, we hid away at home on our own and decided not to have a ‘traditional dinner’. I particularly didn’t want to sit around a dinner table, pulling crackers, making small talk with in-laws and playing happy families, when our hearts have been shattered into millions of pieces.
We have tried to embrace Christmas a little bit this year, but it still very difficult, we still hate Christmas songs. We have visited actually few christmas fayres, we decided that we were exchanging gifts and after a lot of persuasion we will be having a traditional lunch with Jo’s family, but we are not planning to stay long as we have decided to go away for a few days on Boxing Day.
I still find it difficult to say ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Happy Christmas’ to anyone, because I find it difficult to be ‘Happy’ or ‘Merry’. We haven’t put up a traditional chrsitmas tree, instead we have only put up Rory’s tree (pictured above) with decorations that we have bought for him.
For any angel parent who are experiencing their 1st Christmas after their loss, I would say to you, be kind to yourself and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to enjoy or to pretend to enjoy the day. Spend the day how you wish and what feels right for you.
To all angel parents I hope the day passes as peacefully as possible.