Rory’s 2nd Birthday is fast approaching and I can honestly say i don’t know where the last year has gone. The first year was a complete blur, as we were completely engulfed by our grief and felt time had stood still. This past year has seen to flown by but still feels that everyone around us has moved on and carry on with there lives as normal, whilst our lives seem to be on hold.
Two years ago today, 26th May 2015, wife had her 36 week midwife appointment, which ended up being the last time she heard our son’s heartbeat. I didn’t attend this appointment due to work and now wished I was there. I can’t actually remember the last time i heard Rory’s heartbeat, which i feel bad about, it was probably only a week or two before this appointment, but for some reason the date doesn’t stick in my mind as much as the 26th May.
Another date that I will always remember is 28th May 2015, this has to be the most horrendous and traumatic day in my life. It was the day we heard the words, ‘Sorry, there is no heartbeat’, the words any expecting parents would ever want to hear. That day and those words will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Rory was then born 2 days later on 30th May 2015. Last year we couldn’t bring ourselves to call this day his birthday, we called it his anniversary. However, this year we have realised that the 28th will be the anniversary of his death and the 30th will be his birthday. My wife gave birth to Rory on this day and therefore is his birthday. However, it will not be a happy one, how can it be, Rory is not here with us to celebrate it.
As we cannot buy presents for Rory, we can only buy him things for his garden (grave), we have decided to decorate his garden with a Roary Racing Car and Disney Car theme. We have bought cars, flags and balloons for his garden. It was difficult buying these items, as we were thinking we should be buying presents for a two year old and wonder if Rory was here, would he actually be into toy cars. I’m pretty sure he would have been, if not his daddy would have certainly played with them.